Wicked Smaht /oah/ Aftah the pride cometh the fall

I have decided to write this post in a Boston accent. If you ah not familiah with a Boston accent I suggest you watch Good Will Hun'in' or The Depahted befowuh readin' this post cuz youwuh gunna be totally lost.* Sahry, I just had an urge.

*Fowuh those of you who ah not familiah with the Boston accent it is characterized by droppin' the ahs (Rs) at the end of syllables. Theyuhfowah, the wohd therefore would be written as seen in this sentence, and the word are is pronounced "ah", Claire becomes Clayuh. Get it? Or of course, the famous Park the car in Harvard Yard, go to the bar, have some beers, beat up some smart kids becomes "Pahk the cah in Hahvahd yahd, go to the bah, have some beehs, beat up some smaht kids".
If you can't read this post, please tell me and if enough people complain I will put a translation in plain English.

Aftuh my fantastic run in the woods last week I decided to run a different trail through the same woods called the Skyline Trail. My best friend and neighbuh, Tessa, who has white gihl dredlocks and weahs lots of linen and breathable fabrics told me that the Skyline Trail was gunna be "wicked hahd". Will I ever leahn to listen? Probably not.

I set out earliah than usual since I was probably going to get lost and do a lot of walkin' (I'm dumb, but not retahded and didn't want to get stuck in the woods in the dahk). The trail is supposed to be some 8 miles, but latah as I was running and running and the trail wasn't ending I stahted to wonduh how they calculate these distances? Do they do it with a GPS and take inta account that a hill is actually longah on the ground than as a crow flies? If I have an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of papah and I crumple it into a six inch ball, is it fayuh to say that the papah is now only six inches? Really, if anyone knows the answah to this question, I'd really like to know.

I brought my camerar along, so this will be mowah of a visual towah of my run than a written one, which I think anyone not familiah with a Boston accent will be thankful fowah.

Thank god it was a coolah day aftah yestuhday's rainstoahms and I was able to run comfuhtably again. Running up the street goin' to the farest I sawr a clown with enormous bushy hayuh running at me wicked fast. I recognized my asshole brothuh immediately. He's taken to running recently and then comin' home and lockin' himself in the TV room to do crunches and pushups and stuff like that and he gets wicked pissed if you catch him doing it and even mowah pissed if you tell him he's doing it wrong and he tells you to go fuck yuhself if you offuh to show him a bettah way to do it. He's wicked safmaric (spelled "sophomoric") and thinks he knows everythin' about anythin' and hates to be told differently. I just stood theyuh on the sidewalk and waited fuh him to run past me. "You didn't lock me out did you?" is the only thing he says to me. "As a mattah of fact I did. Heyuh's the key," and took it out of the pouch on my watah bottle as he'd already stahted to sprint down the street. I'm such a good sistah, I thought as I yelled aftah him, "Nice cooldown".


The trail was wicked easy to find due to my spidah sense (or the fact that I'd been lost heyuh befowah) and the white mahkuhs stahted, not right off the road, but actually right on the cuhb. I was feelin' wicked good and ran up some hills that nohmally I wouldn't want to run up. I found a piece of hikuhs' aht and put my watah bottle on top of it to take a pictuh. I was in a good mood, had a camera, and little stuff like this was still cute.

Tessa was right and some of the slopes on the trail, although not really long, wuh wicked steep. I don't think that you can see in this pictuah how steep this hill really was, noah the mirahed uphill on the othah side, but I promise you, it wasn't childs' play. Theyuh weh mowah hills that weh mowah impressive, steepah and mowah rocky, but I took the pictuah of this one because I liked the little wood bridge at the bottom.

But I sweah that theyuh weh way mowah places wheyuh it was impossible to run. Fowah example, this rock face I had to scootch down on my butt. When I looked at it I thought, you gotta be kidding me! but theyuh it was so I had to take a pictuah.


If theyuh's any doubt about puhspective, let me assuwah you that this rock was totally vuhtical and since it came latuh in the run, I stood up theyuh thinking, "ain't no way". So you'll unduhstand me when I say that theyuh weh tons of places that I wasn't runnin'!

I was running for a long time. I found a little froggie and took a pictuah, but he was so camaflauged that you couldn't even really see him in the pictuah, so I deleted it. Then, out theyuh in the middle of noweah, miles from the nearest trailhead oah even the nearest trail crossing I sawr a Buhgah King cup sittin' on top of a rock. Who says that theyuh ain't no Buhguh King in the woods? Oh, that's right, Rustyboy on July 28. So I had to take a pictuah just to proove it.


Finally, I got to the place wheyuh I knew I was gonna want my camera, the stone obsuhvation towah wheyuh you have a cleayuh view of the Boston skyline, which would look like this, only from a different direction and without the watah mahk:
Only it was wicked hazy, oah maybe foggy and it looked like this:

But theyuh weh nice views heyuh and teyah. Foah example, I got to the top of a really technical (read: I could not run up it) climb and found I was on top of the wuhld.

...and...

Finally it got to a point wheyuh I just didn't cayh anymowah and I was just running cuz I wanted to go back home. My watah ran out, it looked like it might rain, and I'd already been out of the house fowah mowah than 2 howahs. In fact, I'd been RUNNIN' fowah almost 2 howahs (I stopped my watch every time I took a pictuah oah lost the trail oah somethin') and I'd lost the trail something like half a dozen times and had to go back and retrace my steps. This little path was one that I'd been on befowah that nohmally makes me feel like Supah Mario Brothahs, but I really only stopped to take a pictuah because I was sick of running.


Man, at this point I was wicked tiyuhd and the only reason I was still runnin' was because I was scayuhd that it was goin' to rain oah get dahk oah somethin'. Actually, my legs and ankles weh even okay, I just was sick of this. I was trippin' mowah and mowah and knocked my iPod ahmband down to my wrist with one really bad trip.

... And heyuh we get to the real reason I'm writin' this pahticulah blog...

... one of them got me. In a previous post I mentioned how I kept trippin' and how cool it would be if I actually fell one time and came home all bloody like a wariah. Some dreams really DO come true, especially the stupid ones and one of those roots or rocks or somethin' caught my right foot and wouldn't let go. It wasn't one of those slow-motion falls, more like I was running, and then I was in the diht. And I didn't tumble head ovah heels like I'd imagined eithuh, it was more of a right knee skid with only my hands to brake me. Really I was lucky that I fell on flat land covuhed with soft pine needles and eahth instead of rocks on a downhill oah somethin'. But still, I had all kinds of woods crumbs all ovah my right ahm, all ovuh my shiht, both knees, my shoats, and my watah bottle. Theyuh was even a bit of blood. The fihst thing I did? Whip out my camera! It was too cool to not show you guys. Let me just say, it's pretty hahd to take a good pictuah of youwah own knees, especially if youwah self-conscious about youwah knees and trying not to make them look fat.


Yeah, suwah, it doesn't look that bad, but imagine that it looks like this and it may be a bit mowah satisfying. I sweah, this is what it looked like 2 minutes latah, I sweah!


And I did run all the way home (even though the trailhead was only about 8 minutes from heyuh) like a real warriah with the wood chips all ovuh me and everything.

So theyuh ah a few othuh things that you should know befowuh I end this blog and promise nevuh to write in a Boston accent again:

1. If you meet me you will find that I do not, in fact, speak with a Boston accent, neithuh do Tessa, my brothah, my fathuh, oah hahdly anyone I know, but most of us can tuhn it on and off if need be.
2. At roughly the time that I took my spill to the fahrest floowah, my mothah had a small collision in a pahking deck and now I can't drive heh cah to Connecticut this weekend. My dad (and his stickshift cah) has volunteered to drive me down, even though we'll have to leave at 3:00 a.m., but Angry and Bob should know that although he'd rathuh keep his distance, daddy's going to be down theyuh in Connecticut with me.
3. I have taken some lihbuhties with spelling, especially the wohd "picture" which I would have loved to have written "pikchuh" (how it's pronounced), oah "or" which is beyond any human spelling system. If I receive enough feedback saying that you had no idear exactly what the hell I was saying I'll issue a translation fuh those who ah Bostonianally challenged. I realize that everyone (including me) is going to have to read this while mouthing it at the same time, and I do get some kind of sick satisfaction out of that.
4. I still have mowah to say about the Witch City Triathlon in Salem, but I'm going to save that for a latuh date, along with the horific pictuahs.